A duck walks into a bar

[Ashy]

A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman “I’ll have a pot of beer and a ham and cheese toasted sandwich”.
The barman is astonished, “You’re a duck and you can talk”
“Pretty clever for a barman, now how about that beer and sandwich, and give me a look at the newspaper”.
Every day for a week the duck orders the same, a beer a ham and cheese sandwich and sits at the bar reading the paper.
Eventually the barman asks the duck what he is doing in town.
The duck replies that he is doing the plastering on the houses across the road.
One day a bloke comes into the bar handing out pamphlets for the circus coming to town, the barman tells the circus owner about the talking duck, the owner says he’ll be interested in hiring him.
The following day the duck comes in for his beer and sandwich and the barman tells him about the job at the circus.
“Let me get this straight” says the duck, “you are talking about a circus with animals and clowns, trapeze artist with girls in little short dresses, the circus with the gigantic tent and all the caravans.
“Yep that’s the one, with the great big tent”. Says the barman
The duck looks at the barman and says,” If they have a tent and live in caravans, why the fuck do they need a plasterer for”.

Ashy

[Che]

Quack up!

[greenman43]

... and hops up onto the bar in front of the barman. "Quack!", he says, "Give me a friggin' beer!".

The barman looks at the duck suspiciously. Öh yeah?", he says, "How are you going to pay for it ?"

"Friggin'quack", say the duck, "Put it on my bill".