Some new Chuck Norrisisms

[Gosling1]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.




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[Neka79]

haha i got thaty email a few weeks ago..had me pissing my pants... was abt 5 pages long...lol

i love chuck!!

[Cam229]

Gos,

you forgot this one


Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark but the dark is afraid of him.

[red_dave]

Chuck Norris doesn’t squeeze oranges to get juice. He just looks at them and they wet themselves

[Gosling1]

keep 'em comin' !!

[red_dave]

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus Rex

[red_dave]

According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

[mick_dundee]

When Chuck Norris farts it registers on the Richter scale!

[red_dave]

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

[red_dave]

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.