What to do with Wayward Kids?

[robracer]

Do you know how she's holding up?

She was released on bail yesterday & aparently they didn't even get to the door before she started up again,
they are off to see Juvenile Justice today & she has to go to school on Monday, if not or if she takes off again its straight off to juvie for braking bail conditions

[photomike666]

I'd be taking measures to explain the consequences of her actions and ensuring she takes responsibility for them. Simple things, any luxery items she owns are taken away and only returned on agreed good behaviour. This can be anything from games consoles to high end clothing. She can wear $20 K-Mart runners instead of Nike or what ever.

The add chores to off set any costs she has occured. Again simple, if you want to eat my food, you have to earn it. Life isn't a free ride, teens need to learn this. Giving chores with no reason, or telling them their actions are wrong with no other explination than that it's wrong is not good enough.

Thankfully my kids are not trouble, but I've explained that if they want to live under my roof, they live by my rules. I try give them understanding of the value of money & possessions, but also knowledge on the workings of society and their place within it.

I've seen kids from good homes go off the rails before, and its a rebellion almost against themselves. They are given everything, love, money and consumables. But what is the point to their existance? They don't need anything, aren't needed for anything and don't have to lift a finger for anything. What is the point of their life? Doing well is rewarded with more of what they already have (so don't need any more), and wrong doing has little consequence. Despite having everything they need, they're bored and go out looking for excitement.

I blame society in many areas. Sure a lack of physical discipline does not help, but try taking away their play station or mobile phone as a punishment and see the effect. But much deeper than this is how and where do we learn to become parents? Sure we live with our parents and kids, but never remember much of parenting from the years that count. Years ago grandma would help mum with the new baby, now either one or both are at work. Prenatal parenting classes were all about child birth and pain control - you come out of hospital with a baby, no instruction manual, no preperation and little support. Society has screwed itself, and the wishy washy, namby pamby attitude doesn't help.

[Ninja10r]

Do you know how she's holding up?

She was released on bail yesterday & aparently they didn't even get to the door before she started up again,
they are off to see Juvenile Justice today & she has to go to school on Monday, if not or if she takes off again its straight off to juvie for braking bail conditions

Just as expected. This is just pathetic. Our laws cant even deal with a 14yr old and the irony is most of us on this forum know exactly how to solve this problem. Welcome to the new world order where parents fear their children instead of vice-versa.

[Nelso]

From her age i'm guessing a lot of this started shortly after starting high school, and the kids/scumbags/oxygen theives she's hanging round with are not helping. I'd be considering changing schools.

The symptoms might happen after they start high school, but the emotional disturbance begins much earlier than that and are reinforced throughout their childhood.

[Nelso]

Corporal punishment does not work it only creates fear. Fear should not be a tool to keep people on the straight and narrow. Worse still at what age do you stop hitting someone. It didn't work with the Romans and the slaves they used and it won't work here.

The parents need to seek professional help, this child is disengaging from society and needs to find a way to connect.

Find something that they are motivated by and expand on that. You are better in life to try and be good at something you enjoy rather than enjoy something you are good at.

What?
Fear is and always has been the only thing that changes behaviour.
It's softcock attitudes like this that have us in this fucked up situation in the first place!!!!
Are you a parent? are you in any way in touch with reality?
"Professional help"?????
What the fuck are you on about for christs sakes!!!!!!
and the Romans built a huge Empire based on fear!!!!
WTF? WTF? WTF??????????

Corperal punishment and fear do not encourage responsibility. Kids need to learn boundaries and there needs to be consequences when they violate those boundaries but fear and physical punishment cause resentment which oftem manifests itself as revenge.

The only way to get a kid to do the right thing is to get them to want to do the right thing and you do this through encouraging success, establishing clear boundaries and using appropriate positive and negative consequences to encourage responsibility. Most of these behaviours with emotionally disturbed kids are driven by anxiety and self esteme issues, so fear has an adverse effect. It might work in the short term with your average happy resiliant kids, but the ones that have mental health issues will not be able to cope with these methods and will get worse.

...... and I don't need professional help, because I AM the professional help. I deal with these kids for a living and get positive results with some of the worste kids of society.

[seiko1]

With your abused and neglected children maybe.
But the stock standard spoiled little shit just needs a good kick up the arse to realise there are consequences to their actions!
If a child raised in a loving environment with more than they need, yet still behave like a rabid dog....see line above

I like the puppy analogy....get a puppy and don't punish it for shitting and pissing all over the house.....
what would you expect to end up with as an adult dog?

[Possum]

Do you know how she's holding up?

She was released on bail yesterday & aparently they didn't even get to the door before she started up again, they are off to see Juvenile Justice today & she has to go to school on Monday, if not or if she takes off again its straight off to juvie for braking bail conditions

My heart sank when you mentioned JJ. Im my experience JJ is a place where kids make bad connections. It is a place where lost kids find solas in like minded kids in a heavily negative environment. However, the positive is that there are resources there available to her if she chooses make the most of them.

…But what is the point to their existance?

Agree - Kids are little people looking for acceptance and purpose too. Some find it in religion others find it in the sporting and interest clubs, social groups, gangs, online gaming communities etc. Some groups are positive, some negative, but they both give an individual a purpose.

The only way to get a kid to do the right thing is to get them to want to do the right thing and you do this through encouraging success, establishing clear boundaries and using appropriate positive and negative consequences to encourage responsibility. Most of these behaviours with emotionally disturbed kids are driven by anxiety and self esteme issues, so fear has an adverse effect. It might work in the short term with your average happy resiliant kids, but the ones that have mental health issues will not be able to cope with these methods and will get worse.

I wana hug you!

[Possum]

Double post opps

[seiko1]

I think Psychlogy is a self perpetuating trade.
We've survived millions of year's without Psychology, just using plain old instinct.
The child misbehaves, you smack it!
Society was based almost entirely on the moral standards handed down through thousand of generations
and in hundreds of society's.
Look at the State of things since the introduction of fluffy psycho babble and the introduction of rules based on the afformentioned
fluffy psycho babble!
14 year old girls who beat to death a Grandmother for the cash in her purse, 14 year old girls who smash up cars,
teenage boys who beat passing strangers to death just for kicks etc, etc, etc!!!!
A child is molested and thinks no more of it other than to tell someone about it...
that is until one of you mind benders gets hold of it and then it's suicidal ffs!
In cases such as this, the old MORALLY based society would have had the easy and
less mind twisting solution....bash the molester to death and leave the unquestioning
local cop to clean up the mess!
My distain for the profession you find yourselves in grows stronger by the day! (no offence)

[mohawk miss]

well seiko, dont hold back, tell us what you really think

[smithy5]

I'm not sure of the best way to handle wayward kids. The answer is probably somewhere between corperal punishment and councilling/slap on the wrist. Each kid is different, so the response to each incident would need to be different, I suppose.

but one option would be sterilisation and we can breed the fuckers out of society Anyone can make one mistake or maybe two, but I reckon three strikes and your out, never to reproduce.

[photomike666]

That's a bit harsh. I'd say most issues are environmental. Although the idea could be expanded to reduce prison & even world population.

"well Mr Jones, that's third drink driving offense - it's the firing squad for you"

[Possum]

but one option would be sterilisation and we can breed the fuckers out of society

Your bound to catch a Marlin with that

[seiko1]

well seiko, dont hold back, tell us what you really think

It's gettin so ya can't get a rise out of anybody nowadays

[fireyrob]

Shot them all let God sort them out. Discuss