Have you lost a parent?

[the kid]

Marty , I went over the passing of my Mum again as I read about your Mum . Mastectomy , Lymph , reaccouring cancer (25 yrs later in my Mum) chemo , 74 , sick , morph , etc etc . I flew home from PNG to say goodbye to Mum who was in a sedated coma . She went about 12 hrs after I saw and chatted to her .
It was a pretty shit time for a number of reasons , not all just coz Mum had gone . The post funeral crap is best forgotten .

What I consoled myself with was that she was finally finished with pain and that we had been great together . I am happy living with memories of Mum and know she was happy with her son . As she was too with my brother and sister , but I find still ; comfort from the fact that she and I got on well , really well .

Its 12 yrs since my Mum passed away , I still have a chat to her every now and then . I still draw on her advice . Still take comfort knowing that she watches out for me . I have an extra laugh knowing Mum would find it funny . She ain't really gone too far away .

Good Luck Mate .

[Smitty]

...lot of sense in what you say Bill

[mick_dundee]

Sorry to hear the news Marty, I lost my father to lung cancer in 1990, I still think he was lucky in that he missed Collingwood winning a premiership. How to handle it, well that's something as you said, that varies with the individual. I was never real close to dad but he's still my father so clearly it wasn't a joyous moment.

I dealt with it by shooting some hoops and I suck major at basketball but that's what I did, spent some time with the family dog who knew something was amiss, then went for a long walk and came back to throw the basketball around in the back yard.

Now 20 years on the memory is still there and I guess so is the pain but not as sharp as previously of course.

I now take my mother to the cemetery twice or 3 times a year at least to see dad and my older brother, the death of my brother hurts far more for both me and surprisingly my mum more so than dad even. That was 5 years ago and still pretty raw. Personally I don't think you ever completely get over it, you just deal with it as time dulls the pain.

[Rossi]

Marty,
Shit news mate......
Lost my Dad quite a few years ago, and my dear old Mum last year to a brain tumor ( ironic really, as the reason we emigrated was because Linda's dad had a brain tumor diagnosed and we came over to spend a bit of time with him before the inevitable -- the bugger's still going strong), Linda & I did manage to get back to see her, we spent 2 weeks in the UK sitting in a hospice (did manage to get a few decent beers and a curry in too ) but she passed away a week after we flew back to Aus.
It feels like someone has punched you in the chest, grabbed your heart and ripped it out, leaving this massive hole...... the good news is this hole fills up, but oh so slowly.
On the bright side......... I am now eligible for the orphan's outing to the seaside

[kaneg]

Hey Marty,

Sorry to hear about your mum, it's tough time to everyone in the family. nothing can prepare you for the loss which you're going to experience, but the fact that her suffering ends will help.
I lost my dad about 11 years ago, no illness, nothing , just a massive heart attack, he dropped to the ground at age 74, what a great way to go, however it was painfull for everyone around him, he was a great man, people liked him a lot.

I find, talikng about the loved one who passes is hard to begin with, but to me it's just like therapy, the more time I spend with him in my head or taking to people about him, makes me feel close to him still today after all that time I find that being most helpfull.

I suppose it's just like Billy said that way, she ain't really gone too far away .

Our thoughts are with you mate,

[Strika]

No change to her condition today. She slept well last night (Xtra Morphene helped). It's just a waiting game now. No one can tell us how long that piece of string exactly is?????

[Smitty]

............ No one can tell us how long that piece of string exactly is?????

Marty
that unfortunately is what makes this whole thing tough, you...no-one really knows
My cous was given 3 months max so they sent her home from the hospice (she hated it)
2 days later her heart stopped....

mate there is just no way of telling

[mike-s]

Marty, sorry to hear about the string of unfortunate events that your mum has been having to fight over the last few years. It is obviously hard on her and can't be much easier on you lot around her. I can't totally understand what you are going through, though it isn't like i can't relate, having lost one grandparent 4 years ago and another when i was 12 or so (i remember spending a lot of time at the hospital & later on the hospice) however the memories are still pretty clear.

I hope there isn't any problems between any of your siblings as things like this can bring out the best & the worst in people, with a bit of luck it only brings out the positive in you & those around you.

[red_dave]

It's a tough gig Marty... Been there myself.

Chin up mate

[Ratmick]

No change to her condition today. She slept well last night (Xtra Morphene helped). It's just a waiting game now. No one can tell us how long that piece of string exactly is?????

Mate if they are nil by mouth and morphine only it's not long, a few days, maybe a week at most. Without fluid the body slowly shuts itself down and the morphine makes it as peaceful as possible given the circumstances.

In the end it depends on how much they want to hang on and no-one can measure that. Some hang on for the appearance of a loved one, some have reasons of their own no-one knows.

FWIW Ros' dad seemed to hang on until he 'knew' she was there and then slid away so quietly she didn't know wtf was going on. I say 'knew' as even though he was totally out on a morphine drip they say they can still hear a bit of what is going on around them. I think he was just waiting until she arrived...well that's what I like to think anyway.

My uncle passed away a few months ago. He hung on for a few weeks, but he was a stubborn bastard and a bit of a control freak so I reckon he did it because he could. It does tend to take its toll on those waiting for the inevitable though, so I don't envy you or your family...

Take care mate.

Mick

[swearbear9r]

mate so sorry to hear it. hate wen things like this happen coz i never really know wot to say ...... but just know that well thinking of ya mate....

[Strika]

Just spoke to my mum. I say spoke to, as she can barely speak now. I'd say a few things and she managed to respond with a just recognisable positive or negative. Meaning she either understood, or couldn't hear it and wanted me to repeat it.

I am just waiting for Tatyana to get home, then we are off to Young. I've asked mum what she wanted to do......if she was going to hang around till tomorrow morning, or if she was going to head off tonight? She said, that despite her best efforts she would see me in the morning!! Still got a sense of humour......

[seiko1]

Haven't lost a parent Marty but I can imagine I would not be able to handle it at all well.
I feel like sookin just reading all these stories and my mate Jase was given weeks to live yesterday.
Leukemia is beating him, bone marrow transplant was at 98% last week and this week he has huge rejection
problems and infections and all sorts of bad shit.
His eyes look like a black pupil in a bowl of blood FFS and you can't even shake his hand, he's in so much pain.
I really hope your Mum is pain free soon and you can start dealing with it as I know you will.
Cheer's

[Strika]

Day and night today. Received news mate's wife has the big C after mastectomy, found it in the spine. Not good. On the flip side Tex Turney was born light but healthy at 4lb 13oz's to another of my best mates. Cute story...childhood sweethearts...known them since their teens...... late baby....in their late 30's now.

[Smitty]

aaahhhhh good!...nice to have some good news Marty