19 Years, 8 months and 11 days later...

[sneakypete]

having read everything you have said here on this topic Mick, all i can say is: Respect mate.

all the empathy from those here shows that you never really are alone

[ZXR750]

Good luck, and get to the GP...

Probably won't be able to make the GP this year, but next is going to be a distinct possibility.

I had a strange experience yesterday where I had quite a good conversation with Ros' girlfriend and her daughter at my daughter's indoor soccer grand-final (which they won 6-3 with Emma scoring the last goal). Not only were they and Ros surprised I didn't rip them a new one, Ros and her friend were happy that we're all interacting in a positive manner.

I took Emma home and Ros dropped the boys off afterward the last two games and presentations were over. I asked why didn't she just move out into her girlfriend's place, as she was spending 99% of her time over there anyway. It was like it was something she was waiting for, she was just concerned that there wasn't enough room in the girlfriend's flat to fit all her stuff in. Once I said she could leave it here as long as she likes until she was settled she was fine and is now going. I asked her if she was happy and she said she was, and for some reason this was a great weight off my mind and I've been on an upper all day.

So I guess the moral of the story is you can make someone happy by letting them go .

Mick

I know you probably don't want to here this but now is not the time to try to make your ex happy. You now have to look after your self and your kids. It is great that you can both communicate but make sure you don't suffer just to please some one else.
I went through something similar about three years ago now, (not another woman but the feelings are still the same). I have tried to keep some sort of relationship with the ex for the sake of my duaghter. It suffers some hiccups but when you both love your child and have different opinions confilt will usually occur. Just put yourself and the kids first and you will be fine. If it makes you feel better my new partner has just given birth to our first child together on the 30th August and my life has not been better. If it can work out for me then there is plenty of hope for decent people. Keep a positive mind and when you need some one don't be affraid to talk to friends and family. Thats what they are there for.

[Black Magic]

Wow Ratmick!

Just caught this thread- big stuff that!

I am 9 months into my single life and loving it- very happy and very much in love.

I hope you find the same happiness.

[Ratmick]

Wow Ratmick!
Just caught this thread- big stuff that!
I am 9 months into my single life and loving it- very happy and very much in love.
I hope you find the same happiness.

Thanks, it's good to see it can work out for the better for someone...eventually .

Just putting one foot in front of the other at the moment. Alas I don't have single women beating the door down to keep me company, more's the pity...not that I blame them seeing I have three kids at home with me .

The situation is a bit bizarre. Ros still picks the kids up in the morning and takes them to school, and picks them up and brings them home after school. I had her new partner's daughter here for a sleep-over on the weekend as she's one of Emma's friends. I came home yesterday and Ros, partner and daughter were all here, along with a bung PC they wanted fixing.

I do miss the adult contact, I haven't had a decent hug for well over a month .

Mick

[Ratmick]

I'm a firm believer in great things coming from a situation that starts out horrid and you just never know what's around the corner.

I think in my case it's just another corner or a dead end .

Mick

[Neka79]

The situation is a bit bizarre. Ros still picks the kids up in the morning and takes them to school, and picks them up and brings them home after school. I had her new partner's daughter here for a sleep-over on the weekend as she's one of Emma's friends. I came home yesterday and Ros, partner and daughter were all here, along with a bung PC they wanted fixing.

I do miss the adult contact, I haven't had a decent hug for well over a month .

Mick

mate...blokes with kids pick up the hot soccer mums!!..u just gotta find em...look at the brady bunch, they were happy!!

id offer ya a big hug...but that woulda be kinda http://www.mancans.com" target="_blank territory!!

[Mojo67]

Mick don't worry, a couple of VBs and Neka will be hugging you like a lost sister at the GP.

Don't worry about hugs. If you really want to brighten your life up buy a 9. Works for me!

[Ratmick]

mate...blokes with kids pick up the hot soccer mums!!..u just gotta find em...look at the brady bunch, they were happy!!

You haven't seen the mums at the local soccer have you mate?

I seem to recall reading somewhere the behind-the-scenes 'action' on the Brady Bunch set was not as wholesome and clean-cut as the tv series would lead you to believe .

Mick

[Neka79]

mate...blokes with kids pick up the hot soccer mums!!..u just gotta find em...look at the brady bunch, they were happy!!

You haven't seen the mums at the local soccer have you mate?

I seem to recall reading somewhere the behind-the-scenes 'action' on the Brady Bunch set was not as wholesome and clean-cut as the tv series would lead you to believe .

Mick

hahahah the soccer mums look like old man brady?? is that what ur saying ??

yea i heard old man brady was poking other blokes!!

[Ratmick]

hahahah the soccer mums look like old man brady?? is that what ur saying ??
yea i heard old man brady was poking other blokes!!

No, I'm saying the women at soccer at this time of year all do a passable imitation of the Michelin (wo)Man.

I also read Greg (the eldest boy) was doing the business to his on-screen mother .

Ay, Caramba!

[Neka79]

hahahah the soccer mums look like old man brady?? is that what ur saying ??
yea i heard old man brady was poking other blokes!!

No, I'm saying the women at soccer at this time of year all do a passable imitation of the Michelin (wo)Man.

I also read Greg (the eldest boy) was doing the business to his on-screen mother .

Ay, Caramba!

stop being so fussy man..its all practice!!

hmmm she wasnt too bad i guess... rooting mum..well... kinky..but kinda kool....

[Black Magic]

Alas I don't have single women beating the door down to keep me company, more's the pity...not that I blame them seeing I have three kids at home with me .

I do miss the adult contact, I haven't had a decent hug for well over a month .

Mick

Mick- from a woman's perspective you sound like a great guy.

A man that is looking after his own children has to be very special and women look at it like that too. My partner had two teenage boys at home and I really did think- 'Wow, it's not often you see a Dad looking after his kids on his own!'

The adult contact (like getting a hug, or waking up next to someone) is something that you really do crave and I can relate to that.

You sound like you are handling it in the best way you can (and doing a good job of it.)

No matter how you would like a partner in your life right now, I really do believe that time on your own is essential to get your head and heart back in order. I was separated from my husband but living in the same house for a very long time before I left, so my healing was done by the time I moved out.

They say the best way to forget the one you love is in the arms of someone else- but at this early stage (if you choose that option) it is probably only to fill a gap in your life, not long term.

Once again, from a woman's point of view, be yourself, be honest and open about who you are and what you want. Try and heal the 'emotional issues' from your past relationship so that they don't follow you into the next one.

My marriage was over 20 years long. My husband and I were together since I was 15, and I left when I was 39.
I honestly didn't realise how unhappy we were until I left.

Be patient, let yourself recover, think about what you want out of your life and your next relationship, Then, when you are ready, believe it will happen and GO FOR IT! Don't sit back placidly and wait for it.

I am hoping to read a thread on here at some time about Ratmick's new woman!

Always here if you need to chat via PM- I really do understand!

[Ratmick]

Mick- from a woman's perspective you sound like a great guy.

A man that is looking after his own children has to be very special and women look at it like that too. My partner had two teenage boys at home and I really did think- 'Wow, it's not often you see a Dad looking after his kids on his own!'

The adult contact (like getting a hug, or waking up next to someone) is something that you really do crave and I can relate to that.

You sound like you are handling it in the best way you can (and doing a good job of it.)
...
Always here if you need to chat via PM- I really do understand!

Hi and thanks so much for this, I might take you up on the chat. It's also nice to think that there may be (someday) what appears to be light at the end of the tunnel . Although there are days when I wish I could wind the clock back to the 5th of February 1986 and not go to Warrnambool for the weekend. .

Today was one of those days, I didn't have a good Wednesday.

My mum is pretty upset with Ros, and it all came to a head this afternoon. She SMS'ed Ros (they're not speaking, and probably won't ever again) telling her exactly what she thought on how she's behaving and what's it's doing to the kids (and myself I suppose). Ros forwarded it to me at work, and when I rang she was upset and crying. I rang mum to get her side of the story and she was upset and crying. I don't handle crying females very well, and normally just join in, but I was at work and there's just some things you can't do at your desk and still keep the shreds of your self-respect.

Mum is of the opinion that I'm letting her get away with shitloads and am being too 'nice', and have been to her for years. Alas I was under the impression that I was making the best of a bad situation and trying successfully to shield the kids from the shittiness, angst and mental trauma than can occur in marriage breakups. Ros is suffering from depression and is not really worried about anyone but herself, but that's relatively normal for someone with the illness and I make allowances for this. Unfortunately I need both of them, albeit in different ways. Ros is needed to be a 'mother figure', even if it's just shuttling the kids around to/from school and providing some cover for me, who has to work full-time to feed our children and pay the mortgage that puts a roof over their heads. My mum is needed to provide emotional support and child minding when Ros has to work, and just be there. I can't ask mum to replace Ros in the kids' lives (even though she would) - she's done her child-rearing duties, and she shouldn't have to be a surrogate mother to her own grandchildren. On the other hand I can't 'force' Ros to do anything she doesn't want to...I was married to her for 20-odd years, it just never worked that way. I feel if I push too hard Ros is just going to just walk away and I'm basically screwed and the kids lose contact with their mum, which I don't want for their sake, not necessarily Ros'. My mum will never walk away from us, but I don't want to screw her around either.

I did get to the gym afterwards and I think I've damaged one of their cross-trainers .

Anwyay, enough unloading my crap in a semi-public forum .

Thanks again...

Mick

[Neka79]

for what its worth Mick, i think ur doing the right thing....

so u need em both...might as well get what use u can out of Ros ...since she's being selfish, and left the kids in ur hands, its only fair she should help out raise them... but u already kno that...

i can see why ur mum feels the way she does (i went thru similar when my step father left mum - i was 21...my sis was 6mth old)..so i was just like ur mum (cept i wasnt so pleasant...i wont ell u the things i did over the net).... keep that chin up mate...use the gym (amazing how much longer u can go when there hotties on machines next to ya hey??)

[Ratmick]

...it's all over, got the divorce papers in the mail today after attending court on the 12th of January.

I met my current partner Glenys in 2007, nine days after Neka's post. She and her daughter Chloe moved into here in May 2008 and are still here.

We're very happy, despite occasional friction with Ros and the normal crap you get from having four messy self-centred disorganised teenagers in the house. Glen takes them to school, brings them home and puts up with a lot of crap from them (and occasionally a small amount from me). She's an amazing lady.

FWIW my Mum and Ros never did see eye-to-eye and don't talk or interact in any way. Ros broke up with her girlfriend six months after moving out with her, and after I had met Glen. I guess from her point of view things didn't go as planned, but she seems content enough living by herself. She lives not far away and sees the kids one day a week each (less during the holidays). She doesn't have a job at the moment and is undergoing retraining to find something than teaching.

Mick