BM's Joke/ funny video thread..... probably NWS

[Blurr]

thanks BM bigger not needed ( I am not 6maniac) just not yellow (geez I am getting old)

[devo]

Gotta watch this , pretty clever I thought

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0hAUN4b ... re=related

[Black Magic]

That was great Devo!
Even better when she signed it as well!

[Blurr]

she's hot and now single I believe

[Black Magic]

Sign over a gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."


On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."


On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."



On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."


At a Tyre Store
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."



In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."


On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."



At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."



On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."


On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"


At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."



Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"



In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."



In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."


And don't forget the sign at a
RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."


Sign on the back of yet another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

[6maniac]

Can we have the big font back, please ? Then I don't have to keep looking for my glasses.

[Black Magic]

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment
office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Knicker Stitcher.
I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs."

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it
classified as unskilled labour, he gave him 80 dollars a week
unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel
Fitter."

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160
dollars a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office
to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his
pay.

The clerk explained, "Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and
Diesel Fitters are skilled labour."

"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew da elastic on da knickers and
thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: "Yep, diesel
fitter."

[Disco]

I found this funny

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic

name. For example, the trade name of Panadol also has a generic name

of Paracetamol. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin,and Nurofen is also

called Ibuprofen.



The Federal Drug Authority has been looking for a generic name for

Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts,

it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of

Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin,

Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.



Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in

liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage

suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to

literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new

meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good

old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.





Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast

implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means

that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky

Boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do

with them.

[Black Magic]

Sign over a gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tyre Store
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."


In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."


On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."


In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

And don't forget the sign at a
RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

Sign on the back of yet another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

[6maniac]

Deja vu - or I have Old Timers disease !

[Black Magic]

Lol!

That was just for you Ron- to make sure you didn't forget it!

Sorry- try this one instead.....


A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his Manager, "Some tosser wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the Manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?"
"Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked. The boy answered, "Sir, there's no-one but whores and footballers there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex ."
"No sh!t!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"

[Black Magic]

A Brisbane couple, both well into their 80s go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.

The next week however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Best Western motel charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

[6maniac]

Ahh - return to normality ! Now can you do the big font thing again - I've lost my specs !

[Black Magic]

Ahh - return to normality ! Now can you do the big font thing again - I've lost my specs !

Lol! Poor Ron! I empathise with you- I am going deaf from wind noise and Ipods!

[Black Magic]

The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex, often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, 'What the heck, I'll try it.' He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom but that was too open. He considered an alley but figured that was too unsafe. Finally he realized his solution.

On the way home from work he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate, he closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not wanting
to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, 'What?'

He heard 'This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?'

The man replied, 'I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted.'

The cop says, 'Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.'