In need of some moral support....

[Black Magic]

Hey everyone.

At the risk of being told to HTFU (I am expecting that) I felt I needed to post up for some moral support. I know this is nothing to do with bikes (mostly) but bear with me.

I guess most of you have read about my personal dramas over the last year and a half ( most of you probably don't give a damn too), but I know that some of you do, so here goes.......


I am having a really hard time at the moment. The last year of my life has been an amazing learning curve, and has also thrown me one of the most heartbreaking dilemas of all time. I left my marriage of over 20 years, which was difficult, but the right thing to do. Adjusting to being 'just me' was hard, but I learnt so much about myself and grew a lot.

Then I met the man that helped me realise what it felt like to really love someone, and the end of that has torn my soul out. I am once again reassessing my life. I am too caring, too pliable, too willing to sacrifice my own needs to help other people. I know that I need to put myself first and harden up, but that takes away the essence of who I am.

I am going into 'self-destruct' mode at the moment. Not eating, not sleeping, drowning my sorrows.

I went out on the bike this morning with very little care where I ended up, how fast I went, or what happened to me. Got busted doing 108kmh in an 80 zone. I know- stupid me, my fault- danger to myself and others...... blah, blah.

How do you pick yourself up out of this?????

[Strika]

Hey BM, let me be the first to say HTFU Princess!! Now that is out of the way, relationships are buggers a lot of the time, but the one thing I know, which won't help right now sorry, is that the best healer is TIME! But right now, my guess is that you don't really give a toss about time! I would just always remember not to make any decisions while feeling crappy as they inevitably often end up wrong! I've done exactly what you have done previously...ie felt like shit, went for a long ride and didn't care if I got arrested and nearly did ...... Best thing is friends BM, go have a few girlie nights with your best mates, that always seems to work. I think it allows a lot of grief expression added in with a bit of humour to gain the correct perspective, in a short amount of time! Get on here and let people hang shit on ya whenever your feeling crappy BM, I know it's what I do to perk myself up sometimes! Oh, and ride..lots.....but keep the right hand in check in future OK!

[mick_dundee]

BM, this place is probably better for IMmoral support... but yeah chin up girl, get your shit together and come to Halls Gap, have a laugh, ride with friends, have many drinks, eat some dead cow and all in good company.

[smek]

holy crap mick said something sensible!

Take some time off work and get down to halls gap for the weekend. You'll be guaranteed to get home with a smile on your face.

1. It'll give you something to look forward to
2. You'll be a long way from home which always helps
3. You'll drink lots in the company of the funniest crowd ever

[Black Magic]

Thanks guys- feel free to hang shit- at least it will make me smile!

Time off work is an impossibilty at the moment, although getting out of here is exactly what I need.

Get up after little or no sleep, get through the day and go to bed again- killing one day at a time.

The speeding infringement was nowhere as bad as it could have been-

I was on a beautiful twisty road very early this morning getting some stress relief- bike and ipod on full pelt.
I got behind a blue Camry doing about 60 in an 80 zone. He pulled over to let me pass- i thought - 'nice guy.' Yeah- RIGHT!

About 1km up the road I see the flashing lights. He had been trying to stop me for almost a kilometre! When he asked if I had a good excuse for doing that speed I just said- "Nothing that would matter to you." (I had always decided that if I got pulled up for speeding I would just wear it, not try and wangle my way out of it. ) I think I was such a pitful little sight that he was kinda nice to me.

Ah well, that's life huh? Not easy doing the speed limit on that thing.

[ZXRobyn]

G'day BM,
Firstly, I'm sorry to hear of your sitch. We don't know each other, but I do hope this email helps you in some way or another. I have been meaning to post a newbie intro, but for one reason or another just haven't got round to it, partly I guess because it's not easy to share how my life has in someways fallen apart.... I guess anyone that reads this, will now know my sitch.
Mmmm so where do I start? Ok, I apologise in advance if this turns into a thesis
What I can say is that I can soooooooooo relate to your situation I recently split with my partner of 22years - yep, my highschool sweetheart! We split bout June last year, and yes I still wonder if I've made the right decision and yes am sometimes still very sad bout it
I can also sooooooooo relate to the 'destruction' you are going through too - I am still struggling with that a little myself, however I am getting better. I went back to the gym last week and that always makes me feel better (about myself anyway). Around Xmas time I was really really bad.... late to work, that's if I got to work, hungover most of the time, and a few other things that I won't go into here One thing I did which I believed helped me, was bought a stack of self-help and relationship books on ebay (and for someone who was never into reading, that soon changed). I found the books helpful and in someways they did make me feel better.
I have always been someone that keeps their feelings to themselves. I now find that being open about, and sharing my feelings is a kind of therapy. It's surprising what others can relate to and what they have gone through also. More often than not, they have had similar experiences. I do strongly agree with the advice given by the others; time - do stuff - get away - meet new people - get outside your comfort zone (it's character building).

Besides our mutual passion for riding and bikes, I've joined KSRC to meet new people, to make new friends and to get out! I joined the guys (and Mel) for WSB08 and seriously, I had an absolute BLAST (literally lol) and it was great fun. I really enjoyed their company and I didn't once think about my 'stuff'! That's part of the reason I'm going to Halls Gap (and no I can't get time of work, but I'm taking a sickie, cause I've adopted the attitude that 'I'm not here for a long time, but a fun time!). Even tho Mel and I didn't spend a lot of time together; when we did, I really enjoyed her company. She has very kindly invited me to stay at her place for the ride to Halls Gap, for which I am very grateful and am looking forward to spending time with both her and the rest of the crew (of which I have only met a few) but TBH, from the crew that I have met, I have only positive and good things to say. So if it is an option for you to go.... 'just do it' as they say! I'm sure you will have a good time.
If you can't get away atm, maybe you can in Nov for the Snowy Ride?? Anyway, I have a loft apartment in Thredbo which I sleeps 4-6 people and there is only Mel and I in it atm, if you are interested, you are more than welcome to join us (also welcome to stay at my place for the ride down). I know it seems a long time away, but Nov will be here before we know it, and the acomm. is booked out 12mths in advance. I just thought I'd mention it - in case you were interested? And tbh, I've found that getting away (especially aboard the bike) and being on holidays is what I needed.

I sincerely hope I have given you some moral support, and that you don't feel so alone - cause you're not! Feel free to pm me anytime if you want to chat, or if you need a shoulder to cry on.....

[Ratmick]

Hi Wendy,

As you know I've been there as well, Ros having left last August not long before our 20th anniversary to live with her new girlfriend, and leaving me with the kids (actually that's not quite true, I didn't want her to take them). It hit me hard, especially seeing at the age of 43 and including 2 years of engagement it was a disassociation of over half of my life, and all of my adult life.

I have since found that although life is not easy for me as it once was, and kids drive me insane at times, once you have hit bottom the only way is up.

If you dwell on the negatives of the situation then it's going to lead to a descending spiral of despair and depression. The alternative is place the negatives in a box in your mind, put a lid on it, and dwell on the positives. So get yourself out there, meet new friends, start a hobby, get out the bike more often, buy some new clothes and pamper yourself.

It always gets better. When you're down and dwelling on the now you may not see this, but I'm living proof that even a short-arse middle-aged guy at the age of 43 with three kids at home can always start afresh.

So eat properly, exercise and don't drink to excess as all these help with releasing endorphins. Regain wa and keep your chin up.

Don't ride angry either, only to the dark side will it lead

Take care Miss, feel free to PM if you'd like a chat.

Mick

PS> Co-incidentally it looks like Ros is splitting up with the girlfriend, so that didn't work out well .

[mick_dundee]

holy crap mick said something sensible!

Hey! I'm not Neka you know, it happens a bit more often than you may realise

BTW BM, if you do get to Halls Gap you'll see some things you probably will never want to see again... I warn you now, the full moon of Ronster is likely to make an appearance sometime that weekend, quite probable the bolt that holds Stace in one piece also could make an appearance, you'll also get to meet Neka (unless we can keep him in his cage).

[Damon Z1000]

Get a new root and HTFU

[Damon Z1000]

Only jokin, all will come good and you will laugh about things in years to come, believe me

[hidepenny]

BM, take up extra hobbies (not hubbies!! ) will help too....but again as everyone said, time will heal everything!! and also remember to keep meeting new people!!

some of the best things in life are actually most enjoyed whilst being single!

[Black Magic]

Sitting in front of the puter bawling my heart out- can barely make out the keys to type (seriously)

Thank you so much to everyone who has sent PM's and posted. I would dearly love to meet you all.

Be back when I can- trying to move on.

[Gosling1]

heh Wendy - one door shuts, another opens, and things will all be looking on the up & up in no time.

Its a long way to ride to the Halls Gap trip, but if you could make it, you would really enjoy yourself. I know Robyn had a ball on her inaugural WSB Hard-core trip .

But the most important thing ? Keep going for rides, just under the speed limit , but thats where its at mate !

[Smitty]

PS> Co-incidentally it looks like Ros is splitting up with the girlfriend, so that didn't work out well .

Mick
karma..?

[ZXRobyn]

BM, take up extra hobbies (not hubbies!! ) will help too....but again as everyone said, time will heal everything!! and also remember to keep meeting new people!!

some of the best things in life are actually most enjoyed whilst being single!

How true is that!! Could not have put it better myself.