19 Years, 8 months and 11 days later...

[Ratmick]

...it's all over .

Co-inciding nicely with Matthew's 15th birthday and my recent long-awaited promotion Ros is leaving me after nearly 20 years of marriage. Actually, she's not just leaving me, she's leaving the kids, chooks, dogs and guinea pigs as well and just walking away to start afresh...with her girlfriend .

As far as I can tell none of us are to blame even partially. She quite readily admits I am both a wonderful husband and a fantastic father and she has never wanted for anything. She also appreciates that I have been incredibly supportive since her dad passed away 30 months ago, allowing behaviour from her which she wouldn't allowed me to exhibit. She has done this before, the first time I was willing to forgive and move on (it was just after her dad passed away and she suffers from depression) but it looks like it wasn't what she wanted.

At the moment we're being incredibly nice to each other, which my parents and my friends think is totally bizarre. I don't think screaming, shouting and breaking things is going to help, it's ultimately counter-productive and the kids deserve to see how major problems and conflict should be handled.

She's told the kids and although they initially didn't take it very well (especially the younger two) once they worked out she wouldn't be going that far, she'd still be contactable/visitable and part of their lives and still their mum they were ok. I've had some strange questions to contend with, mainly around how/why their mum is going out with the mum of one of Emma's friends, but we're surviving pretty well .

Unfortunately she quit her job last November and hasn't worked since, so will be hanging around off and on until she is established elsewhere on her own (the girlfriend's place is way too small and she doesn't work either). She spends most of her time elsewhere, and appears to help with the kids/wash/iron/take them to sport when it fits in with them and her new life.

Seeing I've known Ros since the 6th of Feb in 1986 and that was half my lifetime ago I guess that's the end of her half of my life, so onwards to the next part . I'm not going to sit around and mope, I've been mentally preparing myself for this day for a while and aren't going to sit here on my lonesome until the kids leave home.

I'll be up in Sydney for a fortnight (two business weeks plus the middle weekend) solo near the end of September, if any of you Sydney guys want to get together for a drink or three, I'm up for it .

Thanks all, it's been a journey and it's helping me to get it out there .

Mick

[Neka79]

wow..thats huge news mick..really huge....

glad ur ok (well ur showing that ur holding up ok- but anyone can do that via written text)... so if u need anything, u kno where to go/call....

if theres ever a bright side to a break up, its that u get a bit of "me" time, and u can spend $$ on bikes and stuff without getting in trouble!!...

im impressed with ur attitutde- ur spot on, enuf kids these days are basket cases and dont have respect for other ppl, therefore fighting etc..so a calm resolution is a great example of wot can be achieved....

keep ya head up mate... ur a good bloke, and im sure things will work out for ya...

if ur ever back in adelaide for a weekend/break let me kno..i kno sum cool places to take a single bloke


does this mean u can come to the gp??

[mike-s]

heh, neka, gp, .

But Mick, you've mentioned some goings on before and from the sounds of it, it didn't slap you upside the head in surprise like it may have gotten a few of us. You've got my number, give me a shout when your in the area and we can have a couple of drinks, im sure a few of us would happy get you absolutely blind drunk for such an occasion.

Though funnily enough i'll be in victoria from the 16th through to the 22nd or so, couldnt get time off work this apec week so am doing the GOR (ok ok, in a car) a couple weeks later.

[Colette]

Of course we'll catch up when you're here mate and hopefully we can get a group together for you.

[Daisy]

At the moment we're being incredibly nice to each other, which my parents and my friends think is totally bizarre. I don't think screaming, shouting and breaking things is going to help, it's ultimately counter-productive and the kids deserve to see how major problems and conflict should be handled.

Well done mate. You deserve more than a beer or three just for that.

[MickLC]

I've been trying to think what to say to this one Mick, and I can't really think of anything not having gone through it myself. I guess I can just say it's unfortunate that it had to happen, but at least it's amicable so far...now about the GP

[mick_dundee]

Sorry to hear it Mick but sounds like your dealing ok.. was listening to Triple M (think Will and Lehmo) and they were talking about exactly this topic. Seems to be not that uncommon that wives leaves their husbands and marriages for a women rather than another man...

[aardvark]

Geeze Mick, talk about a kick in the guts!! Still, keep your chin up and always remember the kids, at the end of the day, they'll always be there for you.

If you need to talk, or need anything else, you know I'm just a PM away bud.

[Neka79]

if ur not feeling better in a few days, u could always HTFU (hit the farker upsideofthehead) ??

[dave#3]

Sorry to hear Mick, I dunno what else to say. It's be great to catch up for a beer again when you're up here next though.

[robracer]

Sorry to hear Mick, I dunno what else to say. It's be great to catch up for a beer again when you're up here next though.

Ditto .... You have this right attitude by the sounds of it... good luck for times ahead

[Ratmick]

Thanks all.

We're going along ok, just as well really Ros is has been away all weekend bar a few hours early yesterday .

My parents live under 5km away (only 3-4 minutes out here), they've been absolutely fantastic. Unfortunately they have stopped talking to Ros which is not the way I'd like things to go as she is going to be part of the kids' lives for years to come and we're all adults.

While not condoning their behaviour I can see why they feel that way, my sister is in San Diego and has no children (and co-incidentally just broken up with her husband). They had a big falling-out with my brother's wife 15 years ago and haven't to them spoken since . My brother still speaks to me, but he lives in South Australia down in Mt Gambier and is 75% deaf, which makes talking on the phone difficult. So essentially I'm the only child, I have the only grandchildren and my mum is acting like a mother bear defending her young...which just goes to show you can leave home at 18 and reach the age of 43 and still be your mum's little boy .

I'll be up for a few in Sydney, but not too many . I've successfully lost ~13kg with my diet and would like to lose another 8 or so, guys my height need all the help they can get when trying to get a date .

Neka> My new job also includes looking after the Adelaide dealing room, I might be up for that drink .

[Smitty]

geez Mick
thats tuff news

and unfortunately it happens
2 adults who decided to get together
find one wants out...for whatever reason

I reckon you have got the right mindset
to see this as one of those things in your journey of life
yes..its a bump, a hiccup but one that can be overcome

so good luck to you, I reckon things will work out ok

cheers
Smitty

oh..and I won't be talking to your boys in the dealing room
after Sep 30...we got bought and they use CBA

[Neka79]

mate if ur coming to SA u let me kno....

ill see if i can find a nice freind of lady type origins to "accompany" you...

mind u, it will be harder to find one for u than it was for stace..im pretty sure u have standards??

[Glen]

Mate that's tough but I have to say you have the best attitude of anyone I've seen go through this or anything similar. Top marks to you old son, your kids, whilst in a shit situation are lucky they've got you as an old man (not that old though )

It'll be great to catch up when you're in Sydney.

Cheers