-Apple has scrapped plans for a children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
-There's a new Muslim clothing shop in Toronto. I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets
-You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools
-A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache"
-Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche & mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 2000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!
-The Red Cross knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan, I said we would love to, but our hose only reaches to the bottom of the garden.
-Being a modest man, when I checked into a hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
She replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sicko.”
