
Queue for a bit, pay for it, ask for the old "Optus" number to be ported over, no drama, chicky babe does her shit, takes our money, phone will be active in 24 hours, too easy!!!!
So 24 hours later, the phone when trying to use it still gives this message, you can't use this service, activate online at or call 1258888. Dial number, sorry you can't use this service, activate online at or call 1258888.
Ok fine, want to play that game we'll activate online, probably easier anyways. Head to URL fill in all the bullshit details, type in phone number to activate (old OPtus number) and the message comes up, sorry we can't activate that number online, please call 1258887.
Ok here we go, computer chicky babe answers, to activate your mobile phone press 1, press 1, to select service etc etc press 2, so I did, service she wants is 4, press 4.
Thanks for your selection we will now put you through to a consultant who will activate your service.. (didn't I just do that)?
Talk to consultant, give all the gory details, mums name, address, pension, dob, medicare number, her preferred brand of sanitary pad and think that's about it, so then I get, what is the number you are trying to activate, 04011 77467, it's an old OPtus number, pre-paid, was with OPtus, we want to port the number over, go thorugh the saga of 24 hours ago on the phone.
SO is this OPtus number active? No, it was yesterday but we are porting the number over, so to CONNECT with Telstra it needs to be DISCONNECTED from Optus... sir, did you say this number was no longer active, yes, we are trying to CONNECT with Telstra so it needs to be DISCONNECTED from Optus, sor we can't port the number if it's no longer active... go through saga of 24 hours ago and what we did in store "again".
Ok, what is the serial of the phone you just bought for your mum? I can't tell you that! Why not? Because i'm using this fucking phone to try get the fucking thing activated so I can use it and the serial is under the battery which would require me to hang up etc etc...
Well what is the mobile number of the phone you wish to connect, 04011 etc. We have no record of that number! It's an OPtus number, yesterday the number was a pre paid optius number, we are trying to port this number over to Telstra.
Hang on sir i'll have to transfer you to another department, is that ok? I JUST WANT TO GET THIS PHONE FUCKING ACTIVATED, IF THAT'S WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE THEN TRANSFER ME ALREADY!
Transfers me and the message is, "I'm sorry sir, the number you are trying to call is disconnected!!!
So I hang up, call back, computer chicky babe does her stuff, see paragraph 2!
So after a bit of a dig in the bin to find some shit my mum threw out from Telstra, I find the Telstra number assigned to this phone, consultant says ok, we will activate your Telstra number now, and we will carry on trying to port your old Optus number to Telstra.
Me, no, don't worry about it!
T: It's no trouble sir!!
Me: FFS I just wnat an active working telephone, how fucking hard can it be??? DON'T port the old nuk ber just activate this one!!1
So after talking to 85 consultants for around 90 minutes, thank you sir, your number is now activated. Me, really, you serious with genuine incredulity. Yes sir, you will just need to turn the phone off, and start it up again and it will be active.
Turn phone off, restart phone, try make a phone call and you can't use this service, activate online at or call 1258888. Dial number, sorry you can't use this service, activate online at or call 1258888.
So after 90 minutes of my life wasted on the fucking phone with fucking Telstra, I don't blame Kevin Bloody Wilson one iota for his song, and if you hear of a bomb blast in a Telstra exchange sometime soon, it might well be me taking responsibility for it..
End result, I went online, entered all the gory details yet again, phone is now active, or it was when I left Geelong, probably disconnected again now.
I FUCKING HATE TELSTRA!!!!!!