I'm really finding this hard!(Was-I'm OK now)

[Strika]

I can't speak with anyone as I just can't carry a verbal conversation at the moment so I guess this is the only place I can get this out! As a warning, it's affairs of the heart so if you don;t want to be depressed get outta here right now!

To cut straight to the matter, my 10 year relationship with Donna has ended................ I suppose as I have opened this publicly, I may as well air things completely.

We moved to Melbourne three and a half years ago to ease my travel burden. Both of us and of course the kids were all happy to come back over East, finding W.A. a little isolated, so it was a happy decision for all. 6 months into the move I had my first relationship issue with Donna. It was one of honesty. I won't go into what exactly that was, just to say that it hurt me and I felt betrayed. At that point I drew a line in the sand and said if it happened again, we would be over. Silly me allowed this to happen three more times. The last being four weeks ago. This time though the lengths of the deception were astronomical, making something from a movie script look amatuer by comparison!

That being the case, I have had no option but to end the relationship! But here's the kicker! I have loved this girl since the day we met and despite what she has done to me I still love her. It's killing me! I know the relationship HAS to be over. It's obviously no good for either party. But it just hurts so much! I'm just beside myself. I'm a fucking train wreck! I don't really know what I expected from writing this in here, I suppose I just really had to get it off my chest somewhere and I can't hold it together to speak, so I guess this is the only other option!

She asked me to leave on Wednesday, so now I also need to find some accommodation. I am currently staying at a friends place. But he is married and has his kids every weekend which means it's only temporary. So if there are any Melbournians who have a room to rent, please let me know! i found that one difficult to swallow too as I am still paying for the house!!! But, in the interests of the kids I agreed. Speaking of the kids, the older one is OK, but the younger one (15) is not. So thats going to be interesting to see how that works out too.

I feel sick just thinking about it! I am heart broken that my parnter, my team mate, my soul mate, the person who was supposed to stand together with me supporting each other in anything we do, has stabbed me in the back! Now, with the deception out in the open, it brings into question my own perceptions of what our relationship has been and to me, it's been a fraud! A complete fabrication! Totally not what I thought the realities were! That's a tough one to wear.

I embarked on the path to ending the relationship and thought I wsa tough enough to be able to cope. But, I am really finding this difficult boys n girls!



Here I am, at the cusp. Do I hit the submit button now or not? I had hoped that by the time I got to this point, that typing this out would have made me feel sufficiently better, as to stop me needing to hit Submit. Unfortunately, I think this one is going to take a bit more than an airing!

Sorry for dumping this on you, but I just couldn't get it out any other way.

[photomike666]

Mate, that really sucks. Need anything you know where I am. Can't really help with the room, but morale support I can do.

Only think I can say right now is that if it was a serial thing, you're better out than in.

Best we catch up soon eh?

Focus on something else for a while, work/bikes etc and let time do its healing.

[6maniac]

Mate , been there - its exactly how you said it - a kick in the guts. Unfortunately I don't have an answer - except be there for the kids - there the ones that need to be looked after. Hope you get through it ok.

[Possum]

Hey.. it happend to me too, but that wont make it any easier for you. Nor will any attempt to discribe what your feeling.
It is a good thing you posted cause you will need mates, even just an outlet.... it might not seem like its a weight off yet but it will.. Dont dwell too much on what you have lost but more on what you will soon have...you have done the right thing for all involved.

Best wishes
Poss

[MrWasabi]

Hey mate,
Im sure many of us have been down that road before, even I have. What you need in situations like this is people to talk to and friends to rely on. As Poss said, down dwell on what has been lost. Every day in life is a new journey to learn something new and develop ourselves, so take what you can from the mistakes that have been made and improve on them so that they may not happen again.

relationships hurt, no matter what. Just fight though that pain and when you get to the other side you wont even remember why you were so sad!

[Gosling1]

shit I am sorry to hear about this Marty - after what has happened I can understand how gutted you must be feeling...

just remember this - time heals all wounds. It may not (and probably won't) mend the relationship, but it will mend *you*.

As hard as this is going to be, you have to maintain a relationship of sorts with your kids mother. This will be hard intitially, but once you start rooting some gorgeous young wench, well heh, the world will start to look a bit brighter !!

Take care, if you need a break away from Melbourne you know you are always welcome up here....

[javaman]

Really sorry to hear that Marty. I honestly wouldn't thought someone with your character would face relationship issue. Hope things get better with you and specially the kids.

[ZXRobyn]

Hey Marty,
You know, it doesn't matter how much I try and re-word this, or make it sound right - it just won't!
Wot can I say . . . . I'm sorry to hear of your upsetting news and pretty farked up sitch (sorry, for being so blunt), but truly I am sorry.
Unfortunately nothing that anyone can say to you, will really make you feel better - well maybe briefly, but not immediately !

In the long term tho, when you become happy within yourself, about yourself, and accept stuff, things sort of become focused:- at/or from a different angle; or frame of mind; which will be different to that of which, you are in now (if that makes sense?).
I have been through my own relationship drama's (which was longer than some marriages ) and was/am in a very similar situation; whereby we both love each other, but for the sake of our health and sanity (lets say, we just had to), someone had to call it quits.
And as painful and difficult that, that is . . . sometimes it has to be done.
I was always the stronger of us both, and as such, I had to do it. And to this day, he still wants to 'sort it out', but you know . . . . as much as I might want to say 'yeh, lets give it a go' - I can't!
Trust me, that hurts !!

All I can suggest is:
** try not to be self destructive, because it 'hurts' . . . sooner or later, it hurts; AND
***be Good to Yourself hey! !
I have an ample collection of relationship/self help books that you are more than welcome too - I found them to be of value anyway.
If you need anything at all Marty, please feel free and at ease to get in touch with me anytime. I would more than gladly let you cry on my shoulder, whilst I more than likely cried on yours! As I said, BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!

Big Big Hug,
Rob

[Six Addict]

life's a bitch ... i may only be 21 ... but even i think your better off without someone who is not 100% there for you ...

in life u gotta look after yourself first in order to be the best person you can be for others ... with those others being your kids.

id actually say dwell on it for a couple of days to get it all out of the system, and then get back on the horse (the newly rebuilt bike) and get stuck in again!!!

[Six Addict]

and never apologise for posting this up!!!

there is nothing to apologise for!!!!

[ZXRobyn]

and never apologise for posting this up!!! there is nothing to apologise for!!!!

Here Here ! !

[Wattie]

fark dude...

i cant say i feel your pain, but i feel for your pain.

i reckon you should become a hermit, and "live on the road" for a while.

get out there and have some fun, if at all possible to work while on the road

good luck dude,
we're always here for a chat. even brendan!

[kellz]

im sorry
and i prob know your sick of hearing that by now.

but focus on the kids and yourself for the moment.
just be civil with the ex.

and im sure none of us here mind you turning to us in a time of need as im sure many of us have or will do teh same one day
thats what we are all here for.

keep talking on here if that the only way you can, as its still letting you talk through and mentally work through the situation
you never fully understand a situation like this, but talking helps you get a step closer.

good luck with your new adventures ahead of you and we will always be here for you.

just remember KSRC is just like a really really really big family

[robracer]

PM sent......... & all I can say here is it can happen to the best of us, be it a left hook or a slow drawn out process
We are all thinking of you Marty

[Colette]

Hey Marty,

Whilst I don't think there is anyone reading this forum who hasn't been hurt and betrayed by someone they loved or cared for (myself definitely included), you have done the right thing by putting your needs first for a change and reaching out to friends who genuinely care about you.

Sending you a big hug and positive vibes for your heart to heal. Let yourself grieve and as others have said, focus on your kids as well and together you will get through to the other side of this.

Colette xox