Kawasaki Sportsbike Riders Club - Australia - Online Forum

by **hammer** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 8:47 pm

Funny shit

ANGER MANAGEMENT

>
>When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
>take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
>on someone you don't
>know.
>
>I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
>forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered,
>saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Peter . Could I please speak with
>Robert Campbell ?"
>
>Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*ckin number!"
>And the phone was slammed down on me.
>
>I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
>Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally
>Transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with him, I decided to
>call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I
>yelled " You're a C*nt!" and hung up.
>
>I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it
>in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had
>A really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, " You're a C*nt!" It always
>cheered me up.
>
>When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'C*nt' calling
>Would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
>Smith from BT.
>
>I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
>He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and
>said, "That's because you're a C*nt!"
>
>One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a
>parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled
>into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that
>I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For
>Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
>
>A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his
>number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover C*nt,
>too.
>
> I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?"
>"Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes,
>I live at 129 Alice Street , in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the
>car's parked right out in front."
>
> "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said.
> "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?"
> "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed."
> "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?"
> "Yes?"
> "Steve, you're a C*nt!"
>
>Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now,
> when I had a
> problem, I had two a******s to call. Then I came up with an idea. I
>called C*nt #1. Hello." "You're a C*nt!" (But I didn't hang up.)
> "Are you still there?" he asked.
> "Yeah," I said.
> "Stop calling me," he screamed.
> "Make me," I said.
> "Who are you?" he asked.
> "My name is Steve Hansen."
> "Yeah? Where do you live?"
> "C*nt, I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my
>Gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."
>
>He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better
>Start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, C*nt,"
>and hung up.
>
>Then I called C*nt #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, C*nt," I said.
> He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>"You'll what?" I said.
>"I'll kick your a***," he exclaimed.
>I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
>
>Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
>lived at 129 Alice Street , Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to
>kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going
>down in Alice Street , Ilford. I quickly got into my car and headed over
>to
>Alice Street . I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the crap
>out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police
>helicopter and a news crew.
>
>NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works...
>