THATS GOLD!!
Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
It all began with an iPhone...
March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone.
He just loved it.
Who wouldn't?
I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.
September came by so for her birthday I got my wife an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started......
What the wife failed to recognise is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service
March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone.
He just loved it.
Who wouldn't?
I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.
September came by so for her birthday I got my wife an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started......
What the wife failed to recognise is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
It Pays to Know German
An Amish farmer riding through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts:
"Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben hinein geschissen!"
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs have crapped in it!"
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, infidel!"
The Amish man shouts back in English:
"Use two hands, you'll get more!"
An Amish farmer riding through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts:
"Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben hinein geschissen!"
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs have crapped in it!"
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, infidel!"
The Amish man shouts back in English:
"Use two hands, you'll get more!"
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
Body Found on Golf Course
·
· Today Police found an unidentified man's nude body nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a Little Dick......
·
You Okay???
·
· Today Police found an unidentified man's nude body nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a Little Dick......
·
You Okay???
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator by his side.
He puts the alligator up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons and says,
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside.
Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
Then he'll open his mouth
and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle,
you will all buy me a drink!"
The crowd murmured their agreement.
The man dropped his trousers,
and inserted his johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of
its head.
The gator promptly opened its mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered,
and man's free
drink was delivered.
Later the man stood up and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After awhile, a blonde woman timidly raised her hand.
She said, "I think I can do it! Only just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"
He puts the alligator up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons and says,
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside.
Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
Then he'll open his mouth
and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle,
you will all buy me a drink!"
The crowd murmured their agreement.
The man dropped his trousers,
and inserted his johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of
its head.
The gator promptly opened its mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered,
and man's free
drink was delivered.
Later the man stood up and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After awhile, a blonde woman timidly raised her hand.
She said, "I think I can do it! Only just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
Its one of the laws of nature that the stupid usually remove themselves from the gene pool.........
- image001.jpg (44.2 KiB) Viewed 373 times
-
ZXRJed
- Warming up
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:11 pm
- Bike: ZXR750
- State: New South Wales
- Location: New England - NSW
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
Short and Sweet:
The missus was watching a cooking programme the other day.
He said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."
She said, "You watch porn......."
The missus was watching a cooking programme the other day.
He said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."
She said, "You watch porn......."
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
a celebration post to the epic 1000, yep im an KSRC Contributor!
although my contributions are all probably bullshit but hey, you love it
still working my way up the ranks, havent quite made whore status yet (im sure seiko could give me advice on that though)
although my contributions are all probably bullshit but hey, you love it
still working my way up the ranks, havent quite made whore status yet (im sure seiko could give me advice on that though)
Last edited by Mikey84 on Mon Dec 06, 2010 8:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
swearbear9r
- KSRC Contributor
- Posts: 1276
- Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2007 1:48 pm
- Bike: ZX9R
- State: South Australia
- Location: Naracoorte
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure.
I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the arsenic dissolve.
Then some asshole shows up and drinks the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure.
I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the arsenic dissolve.
Then some asshole shows up and drinks the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
Men's Pearls of Wisdom:
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
15.. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't..
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, ' Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
15.. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't..
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, ' Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
-
Mikey84
Re: Mikey's FUN HOUSE! NWS
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how
> many kinds of boobs are there?
>
> The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of
> boobs:
>
> In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
> In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
> After 50,
> they are like onions'.
>
> 'Onions?'
>
> 'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
>
> This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
>
> 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.
>
> The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear,
> a man goes through three phases.
> In his 20's, his willy is like an oak
> tree, mighty and hard.
> In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch,
> flexible but reliable.
> After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
>
> 'A Christmas tree?'
>
> 'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'
> many kinds of boobs are there?
>
> The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of
> boobs:
>
> In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
> In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
> After 50,
> they are like onions'.
>
> 'Onions?'
>
> 'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
>
> This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
>
> 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.
>
> The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear,
> a man goes through three phases.
> In his 20's, his willy is like an oak
> tree, mighty and hard.
> In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch,
> flexible but reliable.
> After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
>
> 'A Christmas tree?'
>
> 'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'