Letter to DFAT Immigration Minister

[Kermit]

Letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister.

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows

that I bought a television set and golf clubs from them back in 1997,

and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born

and on what date?

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all

the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.

It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those

stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes

over the past 30 years.

It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is

Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely fucking astounded if that ever

changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...

SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide??

I apologise, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.

Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address!!

What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless

Neanderthal arseholes working there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture... Do I look like Bin Laden?

I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see

my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone

please tell me, why would you give a shit whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the

next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep

or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another

fucking copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of

accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the

issuance of a new passport on the same day??

Nooooo.. that 'd be too fucking easy and makes far too much sense.

You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our

fucking heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm

that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're

not allowed to smile?! .... you fucking morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting

someone in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me? Well, my family

has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my

forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the

Eureka Stockade!!)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something

over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high

security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of

the RSL... and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card

each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to

verify who I am; You know... someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN

AND RAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN!!!..... a country where they either

assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from

the Commonwealth for not having the "right sort of government".

You are all fucking idiots!

[Jonno]

Sad really, but rings true

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address!!

Aint that brilliant, just like electoral enrollment forms and local MP's wanting ya vote mail they send when you move house within the first week, helloooo, you mailed it to me so you know where I am ffs