Start ya basta*d!

So I had a fairly ok day until f*cking now, I go out side to mow the f*cking grass as I know I wont get time to scratch my ass on the weekend. Try the f*ckin lawnmower and not even a spark, check all the normal stuff try a gain and still the c*nt gives me f*cking nothing.

I spend 20 minutes trying to get the plug out with a shifter because the funny cu*ts at f*cking victa made it with some stupid shape that no cunt has a chance to get the plug out, after another 20 mins I managed to get it out; only to find out its ok, so I clean it just in case.

I try again just a f*cking homo blup blup blup, I then get a can of start you f*cking bastard spay from stupidcheap, sprayed that shit in it and f*cking nil not even a fire. I keep trying and the bithchc*ntstain of a handle snaps off my hand, so then grab I phillips handle screwdriver to use as a handle.

Pull a few more times and the whorejewf*cking thing snaps, the f*cking pull start rope and fires f*cking mother f*cking f*ck c*nt f*ck once f*cking sl*tc*ntf*ck once then f*cking f*ck stops.

So, stabbed it 9 or 10 times in the fuel tank and a few times in the starter part until the phillips head got stuck in the winder c*nt of a part, now its good and f*cked

F*CK YOU F*CKING SL*TWHOREMOWER





Edit:I told the new mower it can be beers or it can be Screwdrivers where we go from here is up to it..

Maha .. Least this one's green

cracker

hahahaha

Looks like the newbie took the grass option mate...

...you'll need to keep the old one around to put the frighteners on it.

Mick

I killed our whipper snipper a while back in a similar fashion, it was an old craftsman 2 stroke, had been patched up many times, it was 10 years old running without a filter, so it was well rooted.

Anyways, it was always a c@nt to start, but I'd always manage to get it going but this particular day it kept dying every f*kin 30 seconds or so, kept letting the cord out was making it a right pr1ck.

I cracked the shits with it when it let the cord go, which wrapped itself around everything, then stalled, refused to start & run for more than 2 seconds.

Spat it big time, threw the f@cker across the yard & then smashed f&ck out of it with a shovel, managed to bust the cylinder off, fuel tank off & spray fuel everywhere. (probably not a smart thing to do in hindsight)

The missus saw it all & came out with tears in her eyes from laughing, then cracked the shits about the 2-stroke fuel all over the pavers.

Shoulda taken pics, the thing was well ****ed, I had to finish off the edging with a shovel.

Did a similar thing with a Victa 2 Stroke mower a few years ago. i tell ya I could have won gold in the hammer throw as my style was perfect and it sailed near the full length of the yard. the dog shit himself and would not come near me for a while and the missus gave me a very wide berth as she had never seen me so pissed and she nagged me to mow the lawn in the first place and NO BEER in the fridge. Picture this me standing in the yard cursing the lawnmower god, eyes bulging and the veins in my neck like cords shakeing like a blind poof in a prison shower. It sat in a heap in the corner of the yard for a week while I happily mowed the lawn with the new mower, but here is the rub trendsetters, for some stupid reason I thought I would give it one more chance and the bloody thing fired up and did not miss beat until it finally died of old age last year. If this new one does the same it had better be very affraid. Cheers and Beers
Bob

Cheers

Top post blackster,could you come to mine and read the kiddies a bed time story.