I'm really finding this hard!(Was-I'm OK now)

Hey Marty....Harden The Fuck Up !!

Are you implying internet dateing cause that will do that too

Thank you to all who emailed/PM'd/SMS'd/called/posted! I was humbled by the amount of responses. It's nice to know so many people care.

It's been a tough week. I've known it was over for 5 weeks, but it was the finality of the last weks events which rocked me. Seperating me from the family was the hardest to deal with. Even though it was difficult with us, at least I had the boys to talk to and spend time with. I also really miss my dogs believe it or not! I probably shouldn;t be thinking about the puppies at a time like this, but, it's at times like this when I could really do with a lie down on the lounge with my favourite dog Strika asleep on my lap! It's made it a lot harder on me. I miss not having my "Stuff" around me. My favourite chair, my bed, even little things like my favourite coffee cup and that sunny spot in the back yard where I have a coffee of a sunny morning. I guess that may have been part of her real reasons for asking me to go. Trying to make me miss it all and attempt to reconcile. But, I am hanginf in there trying not to give in this time. I've been a chump for too long now and it's time to realise what the realities of the situation are. How could someone treat a person they love this way, thus, she really doesn;t love me! (That last bit may not be true, but at least it makes me feel better!!)

I had a chat with both the boys today at different times. One face to face, but one only over the phone, as he was at school when I went over to pick up some clothes and promotional gear for this weekends' job in Mildura. The older one is at Tafe and about to start an apprenticeship. I think he'll be OK. He is a really independant kid and was less effected by the split with his mum and his dad all those years ago, than his younger brother was. It appears to be repeating itself, just in an older format. The young fella took it hard when his dad stopped calling and taking an interest in him. It was hard for him. At that time I was lucky to be able to spend the time with him, dirt biking and playing soccer, being his two hobbies. I guess he is just worried that we will go the same way. I have tried to reassure him that it won;t change all that much apart from living arrangements. But he isn't convinced at this point and I can;t say I blame him after what his dad has done. Naturally I will be making every effort to encourage this not to happen. However, his mother isn;t the most pro-active in terms of encouraging communication with estranged parents! I know that over the years, I have been the one reminding them to call their dad, so I know from history, assistance from that side won't be forthcoming!


One more day down!

onya strika

Sounds like she's starting to realise just what she's fucked up.
Stay tough & good luck.

mate i went through this in 1997 with my first wife(read bitch),it was tough but 11 years later my 12 y/o daughter has been living with me since 2000, got a new wife ( great lady,soul mate,honest) and the grand prize , a 6 month old BOY who i adore!... all i can say to you mate is hang in there, you wont be fine tomorrow , or next week , or next month but one day you will be ok!.and this person( read bitch) will be a distant memory as it is with me....

Marty I can relate to missing your pets and the things in your life that you are used to. I left behind my pets, my home, most of the belongings I had collected over 25 years and (worst of all) my teenage son. I had stayed in the marriage for a long time partially because of my son and the security of my old life.I knew that I earned barely enough to feed myself and his father was very well off, I had no idea whether I would have a permanent home. I felt that it was best for my boy if he stayed in a secure place while I started my life again.

I honestly feel that once you are settled in a new home you will feel less lost. It is a great feeling to begin again with your own things- a fresh positive start. When you do find yourself a new home you will feel so much better- this time in 'limbo' is the hardest part.

As far as the kids go I can tell you that a year and a half down the track my son spends more time with me than he did when I lived there! He looks forward to coming to my new place and is very much at home. Be there for them whenever they need you. Let them know that they are always welcome wherever you are. Most of all refrain from letting them get caught up in the battle. No matter how hard it was I never trashed my kids father to them. I never blamed him in front of them (oh did I want to tell them what an arse he was!) They are wise and deduct WAY more than we realise.

My daughter (21 and living with her boyfriend) gave me a card for Mothers Day, it made me cry after all the shit I've been through. It said-

'To my mum and best friend always,
Thank-you for everything you do for me, I'm proud of you everyday.
You are an inspiration and treasure in my life.'

That meant so much to me. Having a partner cheat on you makes you feel worthless. It erodes your sense of who you are and makes you feel like a failure.But if you look around at the people that care for you (ie- everyone in the KSRC family) you will see that it is no shortcoming of yours that makes a partner cheat- it is a character flaw of her own.

Anyway, long enough rant. I guess I am just trying to show you that all will be ok in the end- patience grasshopper!

Big hugs to you.

Really sorry to hear that Marty. I honestly wouldn't thought someone with your character would face relationship issue. Hope things get better with you and specially the kids.

BTW- gotta say this as your post really pissed me off javaman!

Why do you perceive that Marty's character is in question here? How does a persons character have anything to do with another persons choice to be dishonest??? I dare say that the others persons loyalty, commitment and character is what is highly questionable.

I sincerely hope that your post was simply worded badly.

Last edited by Black Magic on Tue May 27, 2008 6:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Really sorry to hear that Marty. I honestly wouldn't thought someone with your character would face relationship issue. Hope things get better with you and specially the kids.

BTW- gotta say this as your post really pissed me off javaman!

Why do you perceive that Marty's character is in question here? How does a persons character have anything to do with another persons choice to be dishonest.I dare say that the others persons loyalty, commitment and character is what is highly questionable.

I sincerely hope that your post was simply worded badly.

Yeah don't sweat that one Wendy. Javaman is 1. a friend and 2.Indonesian, so sometimes transition from Indonesian to Aussie can produce some interesting things. I am sure it was meant in th kindest posssible way!

My apologies javaman for the misunderstanding- the mix up in words was like a red flag to a bull!

Sorry to hear Marty, cant say I know how you feel Ive been married 27 years but chin up, time heals wounds and presents
new horizons.

Really sorry to hear that Marty. I honestly wouldn't thought someone with your character would face relationship issue. Hope things get better with you and specially the kids.

My understanding of this comment was that Marty is such a great guy that Javaman couldn't imagine anyone doing the dirty on him. I think it was mean to be a compliment

Jen

ps. Sorry to hear about your troubles Marty, chin up and think about the good times. Make sure you see the kids when you can, they'll cheer you up in no time.

Hi mate,

I've been watching this thread unfold and I've been heartened by the offers of support and sympathy that come from all corners, it just goes to show what a great group of people we have in here. I'm sorry not to have posted earlier, but I have been settling my girlfriend into my place, and getting her daughter enrolled and (today) off to school with my youngest. Along with creating a new bedroom out what was meant to be Ros' study, and looking after the girlfriend after an operation a few weeks back I have been a busy lad...

Mate, I'm so sorry to see this happen to you, especially as what is happening to you has recently happened to myself (among with many many others so it seems) and it's a dark and gloomy place to be.

I can't really offer much in the way of consolation except to tell you it DOES get better with time, and the pain lessens (alas it never disappears completely) to a dull ache and then a subsides to a pang every now and again. All I can suggest is to dwell on the positives and fix your gaze on the light at the end of the tunnel. Be good to yourself and treat yourself to a few indulgences every now and again. And if it's any comfort my recent experience would suggest you'll not have much trouble finding a new someone when you're ready to move on .

If you feel like a chat or want to bend an unbiased (and as you know from out chat at lunch on the ride earlier in the year, an already scarred) ear then drop me a PM, I'm always up for a chat.

Take care mate and keep your chin up.

Mick

Really sorry to hear that Marty. I honestly wouldn't thought someone with your character would face relationship issue. Hope things get better with you and specially the kids.

BTW- gotta say this as your post really pissed me off javaman!

Why do you perceive that Marty's character is in question here? How does a persons character have anything to do with another persons choice to be dishonest.I dare say that the others persons loyalty, commitment and character is what is highly questionable.

I sincerely hope that your post was simply worded badly.

Yeah don't sweat that one Wendy. Javaman is 1. a friend and 2.Indonesian, so sometimes transition from Indonesian to Aussie can produce some interesting things. I am sure it was meant in th kindest posssible way!

Sorry, yeah what I meant was Strika is a funny and kind guy and don't deserve this. I'll shut up next time

Just popped into this thread and gave it a read.

Sorry to hear.

I know I don't know you, but I do know this:

Relationships are like building blocks. The ashes of each one strengthens the foundation for the next...

Best wishes..!

Yeah don't sweat that one Wendy. Javaman is 1. a friend and 2.Indonesian, so sometimes transition from Indonesian to Aussie can produce some interesting things. I am sure it was meant in th kindest posssible way!

Sorry, yeah what I meant was Strika is a funny and kind guy and don't deserve this. I'll shut up next time [/quote]

Please don't shut up because of my mistake. The support on this forum is invaluable for all of us when we need to vent, laugh or cry.

Everyone is welcome to voice their opinion in their own way.

Thanks again for all the kind words from everyone. I've run home to get some mothering and to spend time with my daughter and grandson which has diverted my focus nicely!

Glad to hear it Marty, chin up mate, plenty of ppl here for ya if you need it.