jokes on the Irish

[kawa 06]

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

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Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"

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An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.

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An American tourist asks an Irishman:


"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "They have to go backwards. If they
fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."

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Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on
the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for

the flowers!'
'Don't be ridiculous...' says Paddy, '...You must have a vase somewhere!'