More but not PC or RS

[seiko1]

I've just come out of the deli with a meat and potato pie, large chips,
mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not
eaten for two days'. I told him 'I wish I had your f*cking will power'
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A woman buys a wall mirror from Bunnings. The Manager asks 'would you like a
screw for that mirror?'. "No," she said 'but I'll suck your c*ck for a lawn mower'.
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Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next
tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open,
it's not necessarily an invitation to casual s*x...........Wish me luck in court
next Monday.
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I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the
instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.
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A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said 'Sorry about
the wait'. I replied 'Don't worry you fat bitch, you'll lose it eventually'

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Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts. Murphy meets him &
asks 'If I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one?
Paddy said 'If you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of
them'. Murphy shouts 'Four!'

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One of life's great mysteries - How is it that a woman can fit an eight-inch
vibrator into her half inch snatch IN THE DARK, but can't fit an eight-foot
car into a fifteen-foot parking space IN BROAD F*CKING DAYLIGHT.?

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Marriage counsellor to a couple who are contemplating divorce. 'Tell me
something both of you have in common'. Husband after a long awkward silence 'Well
neither of us sucks c*ck'.
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Snow! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to
myself 'She'll be f*cking lucky with a face like that!'

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I have a new chat up line that works everytime!! It doesn't matter how
gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end
up in bed with them ... Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your
opinion?
Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
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Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away'. But
since all the doctors are now Muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a
treat!

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The local mosque is having a bonfire tonight but keep it a secret .... they
don't know about it yet!

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My girlfriend says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career and
a family. She's obviously never tried to balance a laptop on her knees while
having a wank.

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SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS: It has been announced that next year's shirt
sponsor for TIGER WOODS will be Tampax. A spokesman for
Tampax said "To sponsor a c*nt going through a bad period is exactly what
our company is all about."

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When I put my Christmas lights up this year I wasn't sure whether or not it
would offend my Muslim neighbours. So just to be on the safe side I painted 'Allah
is a c*nt' on my garage door.
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5000 men surveyed were asked why they like bl*wjobs: 1% liked the warmth 2%
liked the sensation 3% liked the eroticism & 94% just liked the peace and quiet

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Be careful out there. Driving conditions are awful. Today I slid off the
road and hit a Muslim. It took two fields and a golf course, but I got the twat in
the end.

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I was having great s*x today when just as we got towards the climax my wife
completely ruined the moment and said those words that just fills a man's
heart with fear dread & panic ... "Hi Honey I'm home".