Some funnies
Fri May 06, 2011 4:44 pm
1
My mates missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never come back!
I asked him how he was coping and he said "Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff".
2
Paddy's in jail.
Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What are you doing" he asks.
"Hanging myself!" paddy replies.
"It should be round your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that" says paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
3
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy snaps into action and quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the nearest hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising". Paddy could hardly believe it but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.
The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on the same bloody big saw. So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising". Sure enough, there's Mick doing some serious work on the treadmill.
The next day Mick is back to work. But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says "He's dead". Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in". "No" says the nurse "Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated".
My mates missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never come back!
I asked him how he was coping and he said "Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff".
2
Paddy's in jail.
Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What are you doing" he asks.
"Hanging myself!" paddy replies.
"It should be round your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that" says paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
3
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy snaps into action and quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the nearest hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising". Paddy could hardly believe it but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.
The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on the same bloody big saw. So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising". Sure enough, there's Mick doing some serious work on the treadmill.
The next day Mick is back to work. But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says "He's dead". Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in". "No" says the nurse "Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated".
Re: Some funnies
Fri May 06, 2011 6:01 pm
Re: Some funnies
Fri May 06, 2011 7:22 pm
the last one is the best
Re: Some funnies
Sat May 07, 2011 9:51 am
lol 
Re: Some funnies
Sat May 07, 2011 6:50 pm
All good!
Re: Some funnies
Fri May 13, 2011 1:25 pm
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path. : )
Two friends are fishing near a bridge. Suddenly a hearse and two funeral cars go over the bridge.
One of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says "Mate that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen."
He replies "Well, we were married for nearly 20 years."
On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path. : )
Two friends are fishing near a bridge. Suddenly a hearse and two funeral cars go over the bridge.
One of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says "Mate that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen."
He replies "Well, we were married for nearly 20 years."
Re: Some funnies
Fri May 13, 2011 3:20 pm