Life laws

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS


Smart man + smart woman = romance


Smart man + dumb woman = affair


Dumb man + smart woman = marriage


Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


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OFFICE ARITHMETIC



Smart boss + smart employee = profit


Smart boss + dumb employee = production


Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion


Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


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SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.


A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.


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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


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HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.


To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


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LONGEVITY


Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any argument


Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

*boom*tish*
especially that last one, Michelle caught the bouquet at her best friends wedding a few months ago.


*looks around nervously*