Hello my little pets

[Mel]

Dear Aunty Cath,

If some man tries to give me armfuls of precious, precious children, I'm gonna kick him in the nuts.

Actually... the trying might be fun, if he DOES give me armfuls of precious, precious children THEN I'm gonna kick him in the nuts. Do you think that sounds fair? I'm sure that being kicked in the nuts would be at least equal to the pain of childbirth.

[Smitty]

hello AC

where's ya DC...????

[seiko1]

All I can say Marty..........the novelty will eventually wear off..................if your willy doesn't first

[Dizzi]

Well Aunty Cath I stopped kissing boys and it's slowly going? do you think if I start kissing girls it will make it go faster

[seiko1]

Well Aunty Cath I stopped kissing boys and it's slowly going? do you think if I start kissing girls it will make it go faster

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

[King Nicholas]

Dearest Aunty Cath,

I look up to people with more life experience and eagerly await your response to my next question:

I have just started seeing a lovely French girl but am not familiar with French culture, expectations, mannerisms etc.
Being a woman of the world, can you give me any advice?

Yours sincerely,
King Nicholas.

[Aunty Cath]

I forgot to ask do you bake any sort of cakes, I like a nice cheesecake if you need any taste testers I can help you out with that.

Hello again dearie. Yes, I enjoy a bit of baking now and again. I do bake all sorts of cakes. Sometimes my cheesecakes are nice and sometimes, particularly when I'm experimenting and get so absorbed I forget to take my pills, they are not so nice.
I will keep you in mind for taste testing, my sweet little bear.

[Aunty Cath]

Dear Aunty Cath,
Where can I meet a girl like Strika's?
That is all.

Well hello, my little possum. Such a lovely name! I can see by your picture, that you must be a distinguished gentleman, riding a ZRX, however perhaps a little down on your luck as it looks a little squished up, or dearie me, what *is* that new word all the kiddies are using these days? Munted?
Anyway, you seem like the sort of bloke who would have the ladies running to you, but obviously you're a little discriminating and want that special girl... I'm sure she's out there, my little custard tart. Why, I bet even happily married ladies swoon around you! Hmmm, what could be the problem? Where are you looking? And are you sucking in your gut? What is your introductory pick-up line?

[Aunty Cath]

Thanks for that Auntie Cath, but you really have missed the point!! It's not the miniscule size of my penis (which I agree, is certainly small) which causes the issues

Oh dear. It's not just a river in Egypt with you, is it...
Hmmm. What to advise in this situation?..

I think you should dump your friends for now and stay indoors with your new girlfriend. Your mates will understand. Keep taking the little blue pills so you can try to keep up with your enthusiastically athletic lady friend. And don't forget, my fiesty little cream puff, a vasectomy is a girl's best friend!

[Aunty Cath]

...if he DOES give me armfuls of precious, precious children THEN I'm gonna kick him in the nuts. Do you think that sounds fair?

No, it's not entirely fair, my little fudge brownie. I suggest you also let all your friends have a kick too, THEN set fire to the nuts. That should learn him! A girl has to stand up for herself!

[Aunty Cath]

hello AC
where's ya DC...????

Why, hello little yoda man. My DC is in my handbag, of course.

Well Aunty Cath I stopped kissing boys and it's slowly going? do you think if I start kissing girls it will make it go faster

Hello again, my dainty cucumber sandwich. Thank you for letting me now it's working!
Tsk, tsk, so like the younger generation - If A works slowly, B will work faster! Unfortunately, that's not how it works, my little caramel slice, well at least, not for you. You're going to have to stop kissing boys forever now, dearie. Don't worry - from Sunday morning onwards, you can start kissing men. Big, muscled, tanned men with warm arms and rock hard biceps and soft, soft lips that travel all.... *ahem* where was I? That's right, you can slowly start to kiss men from Sunday - don't overdo it in the early stages though. I think you will have a full recovery, sweetpea!

[Aunty Cath]

Dearest Aunty Cath,
I look up to people with more life experience and eagerly await your response to my next question:
I have just started seeing a lovely French girl but am not familiar with French culture, expectations, mannerisms etc.
Being a woman of the world, can you give me any advice?
Yours sincerely,
King Nicholas.

Hello your highness. Pleased to meet you, good sir.
How is it that a King doesn't have a bike, and doesn't have a picture? Or is that your disguise, so you can hang out with the common folk?
I'm sure a King like yourself has many advisers who can guide you in whether or not this is a wise match, however, perhaps you seek an outsiders view? I do not think this is a long term arrangement, however, I see no harm in seeing, as you never know. Every woman is an individual, so wipe your mind clear of expectations, but I will give you a few tips to help you:
1) Let her see the real you, not the kingly you
2) Don't break wind in front of her until AFTER the third date (during the second date would be fine if she wasn't French)
3) Always wear clean boxers or briefs. No Y-fronts. Ever
4) How to put this delicately?... I think you need to be prepared and enthusiastic about... dining out *ahem* downtown. So to speak. Regularly.
Best wishes, my graceful little peacock

[Dizzi]

OOOOoooooo so Sunday is when I really start feeling and living you say Aunty Cath!!! dam have to wait till Sunday, and here I am Friday night, first glass of wine in a long time and one is feeling............. well you get the picture, I'm not sure I can wait till Sunday dearest Aunty C!!!!!

[seiko1]

first glass of wine in a long time and one is feeling..

You have such a bad memory
or your perception of time is totally corrupted by alcohol

[Dizzi]

sorry for bump Aunty C.

You have such a bad memory
or your perception of time is totally corrupted by alcohol

When was the last time I was on red? I have been sick for like the last three weeks and in that time have had like maybe a drink twice, but if your keeping up when I am drinking Mr Seiko this could be a good thing as most know I have an attention span of a flea (unless your going Mac 2 with your hair on fun) and about the same for remembering the last time I drink.